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needcontrol23's Journal
Created on 2008-06-06 02:36:47 (#15787412), last updated 2008-06-25
0 comments received, 120 comments posted
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Basic Info| Name: | needcontrol23 |
|---|---|
| Birthdate: | 1984-09-14 |
| Location: | United States |
BioI’m twenty three.
I’m a teacher.
I have a great supportive family (besides my dad and his evil wife).
I have an amazing guy who I can’t wait to marry one day.
I have incredible faith and believe all that matters is my walk with God.
Stats:
H:5'4
CW:107ish
HW:130
LW:102
GW1:103
GW2:100
At the beginning of the year I graduate college and moved two hours away to live with my dad and his family. I thought it would be good for me. I wanted a better relationship with him. I also had the chance to be closer to my twin sister. I ended up having two jobs, stressing about money, stressing about a teaching position, stressing about how awful my stepmom was/is to me, stressing about how my dad could care less about me and I guess I just kind of lost it. At first I didn’t noticed I was doing it. I stopped eating and became quiet. I’m normally a pretty bubbly person. My boyfriend noticed and brought it to my attention. I would weigh myself multiple times of the day and found the only thing I would look forward to was seeing the scale drop. I started purging when my boyfriend made me eat. The strange thing about all this is I never hid it. I tell my boyfriend everything. I never want to give him reason to lie to me. I talk to family about it and friends. I do not talk to my dad about it. He wouldn’t care. Sometimes I wish I would have hid it though. It hurts relationships.
I really am trying to get better. It hurts the most important relationship, my relationship with God. Instead of laying it all at His feet and just giving the stress and the need to be in control to Him, I handle it this way. I love love losing weight and feel huge no matter what. As a Christian though I should be able to love myself and know God loves me no matter what. I stopped talking to God when all this began because I knew I would have to stop. It became a very dark place for me. I am praying again and I am starting to see the light. I am going to start going to this bible study for single women about body issues. I’m pretty pumped. I know I probably need to seek professional help. I still have times though I don’t think I have a problem. I realized I did when I threw up blood. I am fat and that’s all there is to it. I don’t want to eat and if I do I want to get rid of it.
I would love to chat with anybody else struggling with this issue.
Dear Heavenly Father,
May I lie at your feet? I won’t say a word. I just want to be near you.
Amen.
I’m a teacher.
I have a great supportive family (besides my dad and his evil wife).
I have an amazing guy who I can’t wait to marry one day.
I have incredible faith and believe all that matters is my walk with God.
Stats:
H:5'4
CW:107ish
HW:130
LW:102
GW1:103
GW2:100
At the beginning of the year I graduate college and moved two hours away to live with my dad and his family. I thought it would be good for me. I wanted a better relationship with him. I also had the chance to be closer to my twin sister. I ended up having two jobs, stressing about money, stressing about a teaching position, stressing about how awful my stepmom was/is to me, stressing about how my dad could care less about me and I guess I just kind of lost it. At first I didn’t noticed I was doing it. I stopped eating and became quiet. I’m normally a pretty bubbly person. My boyfriend noticed and brought it to my attention. I would weigh myself multiple times of the day and found the only thing I would look forward to was seeing the scale drop. I started purging when my boyfriend made me eat. The strange thing about all this is I never hid it. I tell my boyfriend everything. I never want to give him reason to lie to me. I talk to family about it and friends. I do not talk to my dad about it. He wouldn’t care. Sometimes I wish I would have hid it though. It hurts relationships.
I really am trying to get better. It hurts the most important relationship, my relationship with God. Instead of laying it all at His feet and just giving the stress and the need to be in control to Him, I handle it this way. I love love losing weight and feel huge no matter what. As a Christian though I should be able to love myself and know God loves me no matter what. I stopped talking to God when all this began because I knew I would have to stop. It became a very dark place for me. I am praying again and I am starting to see the light. I am going to start going to this bible study for single women about body issues. I’m pretty pumped. I know I probably need to seek professional help. I still have times though I don’t think I have a problem. I realized I did when I threw up blood. I am fat and that’s all there is to it. I don’t want to eat and if I do I want to get rid of it.
I would love to chat with anybody else struggling with this issue.
Dear Heavenly Father,
May I lie at your feet? I won’t say a word. I just want to be near you.
Amen.
ConnectExternal Services:
 | needcontrol23@livejournal.com | |
 | BunitX2 |  |
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